Out of the Park: We Have a Winner!

Pine Beetle Jack, you are one crazy fucker!

Jack, aka Kyle deMontmorency of Utah, is the winner of our Out of the Park: Your Town contest, where we asked you fuckers to imagine you worked for SwearNet and you were planning a few tasks for Ricky, Julian, and Bubbles to do in your town.

In judging these cocksucking videos, the SwearNet team was looking for submissions that showed the right amounts of effort, creativity, and fuckedness.  Pine Beetle Jack delivered!

“While I was filming the contest video, I would dress up as my character Pine Beetle Jack, and go around town,” says Kyle.  “Everyone would give me the weirdest looks that say ‘is this guy fucking for real’, or ‘what’s this mulleted fuck-stick doing on my side of town’. The people would see me riding the little threewheeler with its trailer, and laugh their asses off.”

And he certainly put some fucking effort into this video.  We asked him if he actually snorted that nasty pine sap.  He said he found an easier alternative, but holy fuck, it was no cake walk.

“I came to the conclusion that snorting Pixy Stix, aka the candy shit that is sugar crack for a five year old, would be the best possible option. Needless to say, I live in Utah, so along with all other good things in life we are unable to get here (weed, alcohol on Sundays etc.), I couldn’t find that damn sugar cocaine! I ultimately decided to settle for crushed up Sweet Tarts, mixed with Red Bull to ease the snorting process. You can see for yourself how well that worked out.”

He has a final bit of advice – don’t do this fucking shit at home.

“Climbing up pine trees is dangerous; never over-estimate the strength of pine trees limbs,” he warns.  “Grabbing on that dicked-up tree branch to pull myself up higher resulted in it breaking, which sent me falling straight to my red neck ass. That was never intentional.”

Kyle will be the proud new owner of a DECENT haul of Trailer Park Boys swag, including some of the newest shit to hit our official merch site!  He’ll also pick up a free subscription to SwearNet.com – TPB’s fucked online comedy network.

Thanks to everyone who entered, you fuckers rule!  Now go watch Out of the Park: Europe again!

Share this shit! Share on Facebook44Tweet about this on TwitterShare on Reddit0Share on Google+0Share on Tumblr0Share on StumbleUpon0Pin on Pinterest0

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *