Contests

New on swearnet.com – Operation Midnight Dope

The Boys are sitting in their smokey sack

This episode of Mailbag is hot as fuck, maybe due to all the layers of clothes Mike is wearing, or maybe due to all of the spicy fucking snacks they keep getting in the mail!

The Boys get a very strong early contender for their “Help Us Decorate Sunnyvale” competition, in the form of a fucking rocket ship!  If you want to send in some shit to help decorate the set of Season 12, you gotta get it to sunny Nova Scotia by May 31st!  Click here for details.

They also get a DECENT pitch for growing dope, a mini Snoop, and a knitted hat for Bubbles.

PLUS: The gifts aren’t limited to these three cock knuckles – Lahey and Randy feel the love too!

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The Need for Weed #TPB11 Viewing Party Contest!

The Need for Weed Trailer Park Boys t-shirt

On March 31st, the whole fuckin’ world will feel the NEED FOR WEED as Trailer Park Boys Season 11 hits Netflix!

We want to see how YOU cocksuckers are celebrating the new season!  Whether you’re with your dickhead friends, or on your own with nine cans of ravioli, we want pictures of your Need for Weed #TPB11 Viewing Party and we’ll be giving out prizes for our favourites!

Three runners-up will get some DECENT swag from TrailerParkBoysMerch.com, but the grand prize winner will get something money can’t buy – real-deal shit from the set of Trailer Park Boys Season 11!

You’ll get an authentic “Ricky’s Ball Hockey” poster, a jar of Bubbles’ “Srumdilly Organico Pizza Sauce” (this is just a prop, for fuck sakes, it’ll probably make you sick as fuck, don’t eat the shit), and we even stole one of Julian’s sexy rum glasses from the dirty dancer himself!  We’ll also throw in an autographed 8×10 from the Boys.

Win a ball hockey poster, a jar of pizza sauce, and a rum glass from the set of TPB11

Click here to go to the contest page for rules, details, and for to upload your fucking photo!

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Help Us Decorate Sunnyvale!

The Boys are sitting in a smokey mailbag

Alright dickheads, the Boys are back in the sack and they threw out a DECENT contest idea on the latest episode of Mailbag!

Before we know it, the camera dicks will be following Ricky, Julian, and Bubbles again for Season 12. We you arseholes to send some shit to the Mailbag to help decorate Sunnyvale!  If you have something that you think would make a great decoration for the set of Trailer Park Boys, send the cocksucker in and it just might make its way to Sunnyvale!

Contest details: 

  • Send us small shit only – anything that can fit inside a shoebox is good to go.
  • We’ll choose our 10 favourite items and use the cocksuckers on the set of Trailer Park Boys Season 12.
  • If we choose your shit, we’ll give you a free year-long subscription to SwearNet.com to say fuckin’ thanks.
  • The deadline is the end of May – we need to receive your shit by May 31st!
  • We will announce the winners on an upcoming episode of Mailbag.
  • Contest open to SwearNet members only.  Please include your username.  If you’re not a member, what the fuck are you waiting for?

Mailbag address:

Attn: Mailbag
Swearnet.com Incorporated
PO Box 38072 Burnside
Dartmouth NS B3B 1X2
CANADA

ALSO on this episode of Mailbag – the Boys receive some piss jugs from Big Joe’s Biker Rings (the official maker of Trailer Park Boys jewelry), and a DECENT album of kitty songs from Pony Death Ride – including a fucking awesome cover of  Kitties Are So Nice:

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St. Green Bastard’s Day Contest!

Bubbles dressed in his Green Bastard costume

Celebrate the patron saint of PARTS UNKNOWN by dressing up like the Green Bastard this March 17th, or as we like to call it, St. Green Bastard’s Day!

Submit a photo of your Green Bastard outfit (head-to-toe full-bastard or even just a mask or GB t-shirt), and you’ll be entered into a random draw to win a Liquormen’s t-shirt.  Because you KNOW that Liquormen’s is the official whisky of St. Green Bastard’s Day!

Click here to enter the contest!

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Create your own #TPBvalentine and win!

Create your own Trailer Park Boys valentine!

Sunnyvale can be a sexy goddamn place to live, and it’s time you shared that sexiness with your special someone!

Stop wasting your fucking money on Valentine’s Day cards and make your own e-Valentine using TrailerParkBoys.com’s greasy new meme generator!

The fucking instructions:

  1. Click here to go to the meme generator.
  2. Choose from the four Valentine’s Day pictures on the left — a sultry bow-tied Randers, Red Light District Bubbles, Sexian, or one of the longest-lasting couples in Sunnyvale, Randy and Mr. Lahey!
  3. Slap your personalized greasy message of romance on the cocksucker.  You can move the text left, right, up, and down.
  4. Once you’ve finished your Valentine and the mawfk is looking perfect, share the whore on social media using the hashtag #TPBvalentine so we can find the prick.

The Boys and the dicks at SwearNet will pick our favourite #TPBvalentine and the winner will receive a flask gift set showcasing the purest love there is – the love between a man and his cheeseburger!

Fuck off, you got work to do!  The contest ends at midnight EST on Wednesday, February 15th!A Randy loves cheeseburgers flask set including shot glasses and a funnel

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CONTEST: How Do You Stay #SunnyvaleWarm?

Trailer Park Boys bobble and scarf

Holy FUCK it’s colder than a witch’s tit in Sunnyvale these days!

Lahey is on the booze just for the “liquor jacket” effect, and Ricky is hot-boxing Bubbles’ shed mainly to keep warm!

We are running a contest to find out how YOU stay #SunnyvaleWarm!  Comment on our social media posts using the hashtag #SunnyvaleWarm, or you can also put your whore of an answer in the comment section below.  The contest runs til Sunday, January 15th at midnight EST!

The dicks at SwearNet will pick our favourite post and mail out a DECENT Sunnyvale Bobble Hat and a Trailer Park Boys scarf!  If you’re worried you won’t win, or you’re too fucking lazy to come up with something funny, these two cocksuckers are on sale this weekend at our merch store so you can just buy the pricks yourself!

Stay warm, dicks!

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We want YOUR #TPB2017 Predictions!

Trailer Park Boys New Years Predictions 2017

Happy fucking New Year, dickheads!

With the whore of a year of 2016 behind us, we are now rolling a six-paper joint and looking forward to 2017.  Season 11 will be unleashed in all of its greasy glory on Netflix (date to-be-fucking-announced), and Canadians coast-to-coast will be able to put their dirty lips on a can of Freedom 35, the best shitty beer ever made!

But what’s in store for the residents of Sunnyvale in 2017?  Will Bubbles meet a GREASY lady and take her back to his shed?  Will Randy switch to vegan burgers?  Will Jacob and Trinity get bornt a new gramson or gramdaughter for Ricky?  Will Lahey maintain a 10/10 drunk the entire year?

We want YOUR predictions for the people of Sunnyvale in 2017!

Use the hashtag #TPB2017 on Instagram or Twitter, or leave a comment on Facebook, and the dicks at SwearNet will pick their three favourite predictions and send out some fucking prizes!

It’s cold as fuck in Sunnyvale right now so we figure each winner should get a TPB beanie to keep their heads warm, and a TPB lighter leash to keep their joints warm!

Hurry the fuck up, you have until Monday, January 9th at midnight to submit your predictions!

 

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CONTEST: Gettin’ Declorated with Ricky!

It’s that time of year again – everyone’s going fucking crazy, spending money on all kinds of bullshit.  Luckily, Ricky put together an upcoming episode of Gettin’ Learnt with Ricky to help inspire you to save money with some great DIFY (do it your fucking self) decorating options!

The dicks at SwearNet want to see YOUR greasy Sunnyvale-style orlaments, wreets, gingy-bread houses, or whatever the fuck declorations you feel like making.  Take a pic and upload it here!  You can also tag it on Instagram with the hashcoin, er, hashtag #TPBxmas.

Enter for your chance to win a DECENT prize pack!  Click here for contest details!

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Out of the Park: We Have a Winner!

Pine Beetle Jack, you are one crazy fucker!

Jack, aka Kyle deMontmorency of Utah, is the winner of our Out of the Park: Your Town contest, where we asked you fuckers to imagine you worked for SwearNet and you were planning a few tasks for Ricky, Julian, and Bubbles to do in your town.

In judging these cocksucking videos, the SwearNet team was looking for submissions that showed the right amounts of effort, creativity, and fuckedness.  Pine Beetle Jack delivered!

“While I was filming the contest video, I would dress up as my character Pine Beetle Jack, and go around town,” says Kyle.  “Everyone would give me the weirdest looks that say ‘is this guy fucking for real’, or ‘what’s this mulleted fuck-stick doing on my side of town’. The people would see me riding the little threewheeler with its trailer, and laugh their asses off.”

And he certainly put some fucking effort into this video.  We asked him if he actually snorted that nasty pine sap.  He said he found an easier alternative, but holy fuck, it was no cake walk.

“I came to the conclusion that snorting Pixy Stix, aka the candy shit that is sugar crack for a five year old, would be the best possible option. Needless to say, I live in Utah, so along with all other good things in life we are unable to get here (weed, alcohol on Sundays etc.), I couldn’t find that damn sugar cocaine! I ultimately decided to settle for crushed up Sweet Tarts, mixed with Red Bull to ease the snorting process. You can see for yourself how well that worked out.”

He has a final bit of advice – don’t do this fucking shit at home.

“Climbing up pine trees is dangerous; never over-estimate the strength of pine trees limbs,” he warns.  “Grabbing on that dicked-up tree branch to pull myself up higher resulted in it breaking, which sent me falling straight to my red neck ass. That was never intentional.”

Kyle will be the proud new owner of a DECENT haul of Trailer Park Boys swag, including some of the newest shit to hit our official merch site!  He’ll also pick up a free subscription to SwearNet.com – TPB’s fucked online comedy network.

Thanks to everyone who entered, you fuckers rule!  Now go watch Out of the Park: Europe again!

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The Greasiest Photo of Them All

The winner of the Greasy outdoors contest!

It’s been a greasy month but it’s over – after three weeks of photo submissions and one week of voting, The Greasy Outdoors contest has a winner!

The winning photo was sent by Tina T (pictured above, Dumpster Tanner) and her greasy “Usual Suspects“: John “Johnny Bags” (Dumpster Diver); Chase (Dumpster King); Wade (Dumpster Feaster), and photographer Jeff.

For Tina, using a dumpster wasn’t just a greasy idea for a photo contest, it was a throw back to a few fucked up memories from her childhood.

“My mom was the Dumpster Queen,” recalls Tina.  “She’s Mexican-Irish, so she thinks finding a good dumpster haul is thrifty and smart, not trash diving. If my mom gives you something and doesn’t tell you where she got it… it was from the dumpster. She’ll say that she ‘found it’, but we all know.”

Tina’s mom provided some fucking fantastic inspiration because the dumpster photo crushed the competition — nearly 400 other photos were vying to be the greasiest of them all.  But it didn’t come without challenges.

“I scouted all of Burbank, CA to find an open dumpster where no one would bug us,” says Tina.  “Did you know most people lock their fucking trash AND they have mall dicks guarding it?  Luckily, I found a sweet spot and the security guard came over just as we were cleaning up. We got the fuck out of there before he got to us!”

Tina is taking home a DECENT prize pack of SwearNet swag, and she already has plans to celebrate.

“You know I’m gonna have a SwearNet/TPB party for my Usual Suspects,” says Tina.  “I’ll cook for them in my Dirty Burger apron (and nothing else), change into my Green Bastard shirt for the party and wear the fuck out of the SwearNet hat–and I don’t usually wear hats over this big curly hair, but that fucker is awesome!”

She’ll also get a free one-year subscription to SwearNet, and she’s pretty fuckin’ excited about that, too.

“I love so many SwearNet shows! Not kissing ass here, how would that help me now? The Trailer Park Boys Podcast is the best around. Period. And I’m a podcast whore, so I know. Also, I’m cuckoo-bananas for The Jim Lahey Show with Randy, Gettin’ Learnt and Guitar Lessons with Bubbles. The OWC guys are a fucking delight, as well.”

Congrats to Tina, you fucking earned it!  And many thanks to the many fuckers who sent in their fucking photos.  Fuckin’ DECENT!

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