Holy FUCK it’s colder than a witch’s tit in Sunnyvale these days!
Lahey is on the booze just for the “liquor jacket” effect, and Ricky is hot-boxing Bubbles’ shed mainly to keep warm!
We are running a contest to find out how YOU stay #SunnyvaleWarm! Comment on our social media posts using the hashtag #SunnyvaleWarm, or you can also put your whore of an answer in the comment section below. The contest runs til Sunday, January 15th at midnight EST!
The dicks at SwearNet will pick our favourite post and mail out a DECENT Sunnyvale Bobble Hat and a Trailer Park Boys scarf! If you’re worried you won’t win, or you’re too fucking lazy to come up with something funny, these two cocksuckers are on sale this weekend at our merch store so you can just buy the pricks yourself!
With the whore of a year of 2016 behind us, we are now rolling a six-paper joint and looking forward to 2017. Season 11 will be unleashed in all of its greasy glory on Netflix (date to-be-fucking-announced), and Canadians coast-to-coast will be able to put their dirty lips on a can of Freedom 35, the best shitty beer ever made!
But what’s in store for the residents of Sunnyvale in 2017? Will Bubbles meet a GREASY lady and take her back to his shed? Will Randy switch to vegan burgers? Will Jacob and Trinity get bornt a new gramson or gramdaughter for Ricky? Will Lahey maintain a 10/10 drunk the entire year?
We want YOUR predictions for the people of Sunnyvale in 2017!
Use the hashtag #TPB2017 on Instagram or Twitter, or leave a comment on Facebook, and the dicks at SwearNet will pick their three favourite predictions and send out some fucking prizes!
It’s cold as fuck in Sunnyvale right now so we figure each winner should get a TPB beanie to keep their heads warm, and a TPB lighter leash to keep their joints warm!
Hurry the fuck up, you have until Monday, January 9th at midnight to submit your predictions!
It’s that time of year again – everyone’s going fucking crazy, spending money on all kinds of bullshit. Luckily, Ricky put together an upcoming episode of Gettin’ Learnt with Ricky to help inspire you to save money with some great DIFY (do it your fucking self) decorating options!
The dicks at SwearNet want to see YOUR greasy Sunnyvale-style orlaments, wreets, gingy-bread houses, or whatever the fuck declorations you feel like making. Take a pic and upload it here! You can also tag it on Instagram with the hashcoin, er, hashtag #TPBxmas.
Jack, aka Kyle deMontmorency of Utah, is the winner of our Out of the Park: Your Town contest, where we asked you fuckers to imagine you worked for SwearNet and you were planning a few tasks for Ricky, Julian, and Bubbles to do in your town.
In judging these cocksucking videos, the SwearNet team was looking for submissions that showed the right amounts of effort, creativity, and fuckedness. Pine Beetle Jack delivered!
“While I was filming the contest video, I would dress up as my character Pine Beetle Jack, and go around town,” says Kyle. “Everyone would give me the weirdest looks that say ‘is this guy fucking for real’, or ‘what’s this mulleted fuck-stick doing on my side of town’. The people would see me riding the little threewheeler with its trailer, and laugh their asses off.”
And he certainly put some fucking effort into this video. We asked him if he actually snorted that nasty pine sap. He said he found an easier alternative, but holy fuck, it was no cake walk.
“I came to the conclusion that snorting Pixy Stix, aka the candy shit that is sugar crack for a five year old, would be the best possible option. Needless to say, I live in Utah, so along with all other good things in life we are unable to get here (weed, alcohol on Sundays etc.), I couldn’t find that damn sugar cocaine! I ultimately decided to settle for crushed up Sweet Tarts, mixed with Red Bull to ease the snorting process. You can see for yourself how well that worked out.”
He has a final bit of advice – don’t do this fucking shit at home.
“Climbing up pine trees is dangerous; never over-estimate the strength of pine trees limbs,” he warns. “Grabbing on that dicked-up tree branch to pull myself up higher resulted in it breaking, which sent me falling straight to my red neck ass. That was never intentional.”
It’s been a greasy month but it’s over – after three weeks of photo submissions and one week of voting, The Greasy Outdoors contest has a winner!
The winning photo was sent by Tina T (pictured above, Dumpster Tanner) and her greasy “Usual Suspects“: John “Johnny Bags” (Dumpster Diver); Chase (Dumpster King); Wade (Dumpster Feaster), and photographer Jeff.
For Tina, using a dumpster wasn’t just a greasy idea for a photo contest, it was a throw back to a few fucked up memories from her childhood.
“My mom was the Dumpster Queen,” recalls Tina. “She’s Mexican-Irish, so she thinks finding a good dumpster haul is thrifty and smart, not trash diving. If my mom gives you something and doesn’t tell you where she got it… it was from the dumpster. She’ll say that she ‘found it’, but we all know.”
Tina’s mom provided some fucking fantastic inspiration because the dumpster photo crushed the competition — nearly 400 other photos were vying to be the greasiest of them all. But it didn’t come without challenges.
“I scouted all of Burbank, CA to find an open dumpster where no one would bug us,” says Tina. “Did you know most people lock their fucking trash AND they have mall dicks guarding it? Luckily, I found a sweet spot and the security guard came over just as we were cleaning up. We got the fuck out of there before he got to us!”
Tina is taking home a DECENT prize pack of SwearNet swag, and she already has plans to celebrate.
“You know I’m gonna have a SwearNet/TPB party for my Usual Suspects,” says Tina. “I’ll cook for them in my Dirty Burger apron (and nothing else), change into my Green Bastard shirt for the party and wear the fuck out of the SwearNet hat–and I don’t usually wear hats over this big curly hair, but that fucker is awesome!”
She’ll also get a free one-year subscription to SwearNet, and she’s pretty fuckin’ excited about that, too.
Time flies when you’re being greasy! After three weeks of some seriously fucked photos, it’s now time to vote for the GREASIEST!
You have one week to drum up support for your greasy photo! Tell your friends, family, and social media strangers to vote for your photo — use the hashtag #TheGreasyOutdoors so people know what the fuck you’re talking about!
Put down your Pokefuck Go app and go spend some REAL time outside! Whether it’s a liquor picnic at the beach, extreme dirty burger BBQing, or a piss jug road trip, we want to see photos of how you enjoy the GREASY outdoors.
Our photo contest starts today – and you have three weeks to upload your photo. After that, tell your arsehole friends that they have one week to vote for your picture. The person with the most votes will win a DECENT prize pack, plus a one-year subscription to SwearNet! Runners-up will also receive SwearNet subs.
Starting next week, SwearNet will launch “The Greasy Outdoors” – a summer photo contest of epic shitportions. Start planning your cheeseburger picnics, liquor hikes, and piss jug road trips! Dust off that fucking camera because the photo with the most votes will win a SwearNet prize pack, including a RARE SwearNet cap, and an autograph from the Boys!