New at swearnet.com

New on swearnet.com – How to Be a Successful Alcoholic

Lahey happily holds up a bottle of Liquormen's!

Understanding your childhood is key when trying to understand your own shitline.  Lahey takes us on a liquor trip down memory lane on the latest Liquor Stories with James Lahey, and we discover the early days of the young shitling that would eventually grow to be the supervisor of Sunnyvale Trailer Park!

After encouragement from Randy, Lahey spoke to a psychiatrist who dove into the liquor captain’s childhood memories, in an attempt to understand why he behaves the way he does today.  Lahey reads some of the psychiatric conclusions on today’s Liquor Stories, and finds that a lot of the analysis revolves around his time as an altar boy in the Catholic church.

We also learn about how a young Lahey dealt with bullies, and discover his earliest memories of seeing a flaccid adult penis.  All this and more on another fascinating episode of Liquor Stories with James Lahey!

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New on swearnet.com – Like an Angel Shit in My Mouth

JP is the king of the packages on the latest episode of Mailbag!  He’s the happy recipient of some very special gifts including some Montreal Canadiens steak knives, a DECENT new dagger, and even a fan letter from Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson!

There are some more serious contenders for the Season 12 decoration contest, including some tarot cards and Fluffy the cat.  The clock is fucking ticking on this contest, so if you want to enter before the May 31st deadline, you better get your shit in the mail now!

PLUS: The Boys receive some A+ portraits, all the way from Wishigan!

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New on swearnet.com – Fruit Baskets

Ricky is upset about a decision by Crayola

Well fuck, the snacks have been downgraded again, but that won’t stop the Boys from cranking out a DECENT new episode of the Trailer Park Boys Podcast.

Not all hope is lost in the snack department, because the SwearNet dicks were sure to include Muscle Krispies, Julian’s favourites!  But perhaps the catering fuck-up has left the Boys with food on their mind because they spend a very long time talking about fruit baskets and salad tossing.

There are borntday shout-outs a-plenty, with Malcolm X, Andre the Giant, Pete Townsend, and Georges St-Pierre all being bornt on May 19th.  Speaking of GSP, Bubbles has no end of compliments for that sexy body of his.

The Boys also discuss Smokey and the Bandit, and Bubbles lays down some mean CB radio chatter.

PLUS: What in the fuck did Crayola do to make Ricky so upset?!

This episode of the podcash is brought to you by TrailerParkBoysMerch.com!

 

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New on swearnet.com – Crazy Liquor and Cheeseburger Party

Three trailer park cats are drawing cigarettes

If you had to put your lips on Lahey, Randy, or Phil the Mustard Tiger, which one would you choose?  On the latest episode of Trailer Park Cats, the kitties let the cigarettes decide!

After discovering a liquor and cheeseburger party that went terribly wrong, Bubbles recruits Julian and Ricky to help resuscitate Phil, Lahey, and Randy.  The three idiots inhaled a lot of carbon monoxide, and the kitties know what they must do: mouth-to-fucking-mouth.

This episode of Trailer Park Cats is an animated feline adaptation of a classic scene from Season 7!

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New on swearnet.com – Edibles and Mailbags

The Boys carefully open a glitterbomb on Mailbag

The Boys narrowly escape an act of glittercock terrorism on today’s episode of Mailbag!

JP, Mike, and Robb are in a smokeless Mailbag tent (the episode is called “Edibles” – get it… they’re still high as fuck), and the “Help Us Decorate Sunnyvale” contest is in full swing!  The Boys are looking for some shit to help decorate the set of Season 12, and they definitely received some contenders in this round, including a DECENT kitty wall-hanging, a houndstooth snuggie, and a Lahey-sized flask!

But it was a cock-sized poster tube filled with many tiny mini-cocks that caught the most attention!

Remember – the Season 12 decoration contest ends on May 31st, so get your shit in the mail ASAP!  Click here for details.  You can send your shit to the Mailbag at:

Attn: Mailbag
Swearnet.com Incorporated
PO Box 38072 Burnside
Dartmouth NS B3B 1X2
CANADA

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New on swearnet.com – My Concrete Car

The Boys filming a podcast

Maybe it’s the DECENT food selection on this week’s episode of the Trailer Park Boys Podcast, maybe it’s the dope, whatever it is, the Boys’ brains are really fucking cooking today!

After taking some shit about the food selection last week, the SwearNet dicks sprung for some good shit this week, including Brother’s, the king of Nova Scotian pepperoni.  The snacks are fuelling the creative process big time, with the Boys coming up with ideas for a reality show about concrete cars, growing dope at Legoland, and opening up their own version of “Bush” Gardens.

They also wish Kids in the Hall alumni Bruce McCulloch a happy birthday, and get into a pretty fucked up conversation about controlling tuna with Bluetooth parasites.  Yes, you’re not tripping on mushrooms, you read that correctly.

This fucked up episode of the podcash is brought to you by TrailerParkBoysMerch.com!

 

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New on swearnet.com – Ask Randy Fucking Anything!

Randy sits on the couch, ready to answer anything!

A few hits of the honey bong and Randy is ready to go for another edition of Ask Me Fucking Anything!

Bobandy starts off in a great mood but quickly gets pissed off when the questions cross the shit line.  Sure, it’s an Ask Me Fucking Anything but you dicks didn’t have to be so friggin’ mean!

But Randy is a big boy and he shakes off the haters to tackle your questions.  Randers answers questions about onion rings (and their dipping potential), his cheeseburger patch, his record for eating cheeseburgers in one sitting, why Julian is an asshole, and much more.

Plus – Randy comments on a problem that hurts us all – the rising price of cheeseburgers!

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New on swearnet.com – Benedictine Brandy

Lahey prepares to sip on some Benedictine Brandy

Benedictine Brandy might have a foul smell and a foul taste, but on the latest episode of Liquor Stories with James Lahey, Benedictine Brandy does the trick!

For those of you who are worried that liquor may be destroying your brain and diminishing your mental abilities – fear not.  In this episode, Lahey says if you successfully drink with the grain of the liquor, it can put you into a whole new category of clarity.  Listen to any drunk fucker rant and rave… they are always completely clear in their conviction, and that’s what the liquor can achieve for you.  IF you drink with the grain.

Lahey also discusses the shit line, and when you shouldn’t cross it.

 

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New on swearnet.com – Ricky Signs Away His Brain

Ricky offers his brain to Bubbles

Ricky signs a contract to give his brain to Bubbles on the latest episode of the Trailer Park Boys Podcast!

After marvelling at Ricky’s super human dope abilities (somehow he is only 5/10 stoned while Julian is 10/10 baked), the Boys start to wonder about Ricky’s unique biological makeup.  Bubbles supposes that Ricky has a third lung, and that his brain must be covered in years of resin.  To satisfy Bubbles’ curiosity, Ricky draws up a contract to allow Bubbles to examine his brain after Ricky dies, for scientific purposes only – nothing sexy.  Julian signs as a witness.

The Boys also discuss a completely fucked court transcript from the USA, in which a totally fucked defendant drives a judge totally insane by being a massive prick.  Ricky claims that the defendant stole a page right out of his playbook (a paper he wrote in jail, to be precise).

PLUS: The Boys ponder whether or not they’d be able to make out with a car for an extended period of time.

This episode of the podcash is brought to you by TrailerParkBoysMerch.com!

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New on swearnet.com – Kings of Sunnyvale

Kitty Ricky is causing some big fucking problems in the park on the latest episode of Trailer Park Cats.  

Living in a car can certainly be a whore of a life, and Ricky is fed up with the dogs and squirrels of Sunnyvale.  They’re constantly barking and pissing in his dope plants and he’s had enough.

He’s not the only one who has had enough – Julian is fucking annoyed at Ricky for firing off guns in the middle of the night, and Bubbles doesn’t want Ricky forcing his cats to live with him in the shitmobile.

Guest animator Jordan Hill changes the kitty litter for a fresh take on the look and feel of the Trailer Park Cats series, which features on feline adaptations of classic Trailer Park Boys moments!

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