New at swearnet.com

New on swearnet.com – The Real Fucking Reality Show returns!

Mike annoys Robb and JP in the Writing Room

The Boys are under the fucking gun.  They’re way behind on writing Season 12, and they also have to take care of editing the next installment of Out of the Park.  Mike decides it’s the perfect time to revive The Real Fucking Reality Show!

In the midst of the massive mountain of shit that they need to take care of, the Boys also bought a restaurant!  Renovations are currently underway at the Economy Shoe Shop, a legendary downtown Halifax hangout.  The Boys plan to put a fresh coat of paint on the place (literally) and revamp the menu.

On this episode of The Real Fucking Reality Show, Mike tells Robb and JP that their new chef has prepared samples from the new menu and the Boys have to go do a tasting.  Robb and JP are fucking pissed that they have to do this in the middle of a tense pre-production period for Season 12, and they’re extra fucking pissed that Mike is filming it!

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New on swearnet.com – Avoiding Whisky Dick

Julian sips on rum and reads fan questions

Julian is in a positive mood for today’s episode of Dear Julian, despite some of you pricks deciding it’s ok to call him Swayze!

Julian sips on a rum and coke and answers fan questions about whisky-dick threesomes, lending money to friends who want to make a rap record, the sexiest places for ladies to get tattoos, and much more.

He also explains why his last name is secret (and it’s NOT fucking SWAYZE).

PLUS: How in the fuck can a Maritimer like Jules hate seafood?!

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New on swearnet.com – A Good Day to Be Bornt

The Boys are still hungover from the May 2-4 weekend on the latest episode of the Trailer Park Boys Podcast!

Hard boozing is not the only thing the Boys are recovering from; Julian claims he is dealing with a zillion mosquito bites, but Bubbles disputes that a zillion mosquito bites is even fucking possible.

Ricky looks back on this day in history and remembers the brave Budd Hist, who set himself on fire in a brave protest.  The Boys also bring up Yoko Ono and John Lennon’s bed-in, which happened on this day in history in Montreal.

May 26th is certainly a great fucking day to be bornt, and the Boys chat about all the DECENT people who share this borntday, including John Wayne, Stevie Nicks, Matt Stone, Hank Williams, and a fuckload more geniuses.

The Boys get into a very cleansing discussion about colonics, and Ricky tries to put together a plan for a DIY version involving garden hoses and champagne bottles.

PLUS: Last week, Ricky was pissed at Crayola.  Now he’s fucking furious at Disney!  What did they do to make him so angry?!

This episode of the podcash is brought to you by the dicks at TrailerParkBoysMerch.com!

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New on swearnet.com – Bent Fabric’s Alley Cat

Mike Smith holds up an album called ALLEY CAT

The Season 12 contest entries keep pouring in on the latest episode of Mailbag!

A while back, the Boys asked you crazy fuckers to send in some props and trinkets and silly shit that they can use to decorate the set of Trailer Park Boys Season 12.  They’ll pick their top 10 at the end of the month.  There’s still a bit of time to get your shit in the mail, so put down that joint and get to the post office!  Click here for details and our fucking address!

Competition is stiffer than Randy in a Blandford play, with the Boys receiving a bubble maker for Bubbles’ shed, art supplies for Ricky’s trailer, and some DECENT records from Mountain Music Vinyl!

PLUS: Holy fuck, is it possible the drug-sniffing drugs at Canadian Customs got stoned because they’re sniffing drugs all day?  Because they missed a big one here…

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New on swearnet.com – How to Be a Successful Alcoholic

Lahey happily holds up a bottle of Liquormen's!

Understanding your childhood is key when trying to understand your own shitline.  Lahey takes us on a liquor trip down memory lane on the latest Liquor Stories with James Lahey, and we discover the early days of the young shitling that would eventually grow to be the supervisor of Sunnyvale Trailer Park!

After encouragement from Randy, Lahey spoke to a psychiatrist who dove into the liquor captain’s childhood memories, in an attempt to understand why he behaves the way he does today.  Lahey reads some of the psychiatric conclusions on today’s Liquor Stories, and finds that a lot of the analysis revolves around his time as an altar boy in the Catholic church.

We also learn about how a young Lahey dealt with bullies, and discover his earliest memories of seeing a flaccid adult penis.  All this and more on another fascinating episode of Liquor Stories with James Lahey!

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New on swearnet.com – Like an Angel Shit in My Mouth

JP is the king of the packages on the latest episode of Mailbag!  He’s the happy recipient of some very special gifts including some Montreal Canadiens steak knives, a DECENT new dagger, and even a fan letter from Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson!

There are some more serious contenders for the Season 12 decoration contest, including some tarot cards and Fluffy the cat.  The clock is fucking ticking on this contest, so if you want to enter before the May 31st deadline, you better get your shit in the mail now!

PLUS: The Boys receive some A+ portraits, all the way from Wishigan!

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New on swearnet.com – Fruit Baskets

Ricky is upset about a decision by Crayola

Well fuck, the snacks have been downgraded again, but that won’t stop the Boys from cranking out a DECENT new episode of the Trailer Park Boys Podcast.

Not all hope is lost in the snack department, because the SwearNet dicks were sure to include Muscle Krispies, Julian’s favourites!  But perhaps the catering fuck-up has left the Boys with food on their mind because they spend a very long time talking about fruit baskets and salad tossing.

There are borntday shout-outs a-plenty, with Malcolm X, Andre the Giant, Pete Townsend, and Georges St-Pierre all being bornt on May 19th.  Speaking of GSP, Bubbles has no end of compliments for that sexy body of his.

The Boys also discuss Smokey and the Bandit, and Bubbles lays down some mean CB radio chatter.

PLUS: What in the fuck did Crayola do to make Ricky so upset?!

This episode of the podcash is brought to you by TrailerParkBoysMerch.com!

 

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New on swearnet.com – Crazy Liquor and Cheeseburger Party

Three trailer park cats are drawing cigarettes

If you had to put your lips on Lahey, Randy, or Phil the Mustard Tiger, which one would you choose?  On the latest episode of Trailer Park Cats, the kitties let the cigarettes decide!

After discovering a liquor and cheeseburger party that went terribly wrong, Bubbles recruits Julian and Ricky to help resuscitate Phil, Lahey, and Randy.  The three idiots inhaled a lot of carbon monoxide, and the kitties know what they must do: mouth-to-fucking-mouth.

This episode of Trailer Park Cats is an animated feline adaptation of a classic scene from Season 7!

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New on swearnet.com – Edibles and Mailbags

The Boys carefully open a glitterbomb on Mailbag

The Boys narrowly escape an act of glittercock terrorism on today’s episode of Mailbag!

JP, Mike, and Robb are in a smokeless Mailbag tent (the episode is called “Edibles” – get it… they’re still high as fuck), and the “Help Us Decorate Sunnyvale” contest is in full swing!  The Boys are looking for some shit to help decorate the set of Season 12, and they definitely received some contenders in this round, including a DECENT kitty wall-hanging, a houndstooth snuggie, and a Lahey-sized flask!

But it was a cock-sized poster tube filled with many tiny mini-cocks that caught the most attention!

Remember – the Season 12 decoration contest ends on May 31st, so get your shit in the mail ASAP!  Click here for details.  You can send your shit to the Mailbag at:

Attn: Mailbag
Swearnet.com Incorporated
PO Box 38072 Burnside
Dartmouth NS B3B 1X2
CANADA

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New on swearnet.com – My Concrete Car

The Boys filming a podcast

Maybe it’s the DECENT food selection on this week’s episode of the Trailer Park Boys Podcast, maybe it’s the dope, whatever it is, the Boys’ brains are really fucking cooking today!

After taking some shit about the food selection last week, the SwearNet dicks sprung for some good shit this week, including Brother’s, the king of Nova Scotian pepperoni.  The snacks are fuelling the creative process big time, with the Boys coming up with ideas for a reality show about concrete cars, growing dope at Legoland, and opening up their own version of “Bush” Gardens.

They also wish Kids in the Hall alumni Bruce McCulloch a happy birthday, and get into a pretty fucked up conversation about controlling tuna with Bluetooth parasites.  Yes, you’re not tripping on mushrooms, you read that correctly.

This fucked up episode of the podcash is brought to you by TrailerParkBoysMerch.com!

 

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