JP is the king of the packages on the latest episode of Mailbag! He’s the happy recipient of some very special gifts including some Montreal Canadiens steak knives, a DECENT new dagger, and even a fan letter from Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson!
There are some more serious contenders for the Season 12 decoration contest, including some tarot cards and Fluffy the cat. The clock is fucking ticking on this contest, so if you want to enter before the May 31st deadline, you better get your shit in the mail now!
PLUS: The Boys receive some A+ portraits, all the way from Wishigan!
JP, Mike, and Robb are in a smokeless Mailbag tent (the episode is called “Edibles” – get it… they’re still high as fuck), and the “Help Us Decorate Sunnyvale” contest is in full swing! The Boys are looking for some shit to help decorate the set of Season 12, and they definitely received some contenders in this round, including a DECENT kitty wall-hanging, a houndstooth snuggie, and a Lahey-sized flask!
But it was a cock-sized poster tube filled with many tiny mini-cocks that caught the most attention!
Remember – the Season 12 decoration contest ends on May 31st, so get your shit in the mail ASAP! Click here for details. You can send your shit to the Mailbag at:
Ever feel that perfect level of being stoned? That’s what Ricky achieved on Friday as the Boys were getting ready to celebrate the launch of Season 11 on Netflix! Episode 86: “Perfectly Contentedly High” isnow available for fucking free in audio form on iTunes and Libsyn!
The Boys are really fucking excited for the new season (Ricky is slightly worried because he feels like the camera dicks always portray him as an idiot). They’re so excited, they want to give away some authentic shit from Sunnyvale! Check out the contest page to learn how you could win a jar of Bubbles Pizza Sauce, a “Ricky’s Ball Hockey Camp” poster, and a rum glass straight from Julian’s cupboard!
PLUS: The Boys have the most fucked up conversation about Mr. Hockey, Mr. Sub, Mr. Lube, and a few other misters. For fuck sakes, leave Gordie Howe out of this, Boys!
Though Ricky’s worried that the camera dicks might’ve made him look like an idiot again, the Boys have been eagerly anticipating the March 31st release date on Netflix. So much, that they are giving away some of THEIR shit from Sunnyvale! Check out the official contest page to find out how you can win a jar of Bubbles Pizza Sauce, a “Ricky’s Ball Hockey Camp” poster, and a LEGIT Julian rum glass!
Since this is such a DECENT day in the Boys’ calendar, they decided to find out what other DECENT things happened on this day, and they discuss the construction of the Eiffel Tower (which Ricky disputes), Wrestlemania, and the rise to power of a certain dickhead with a moustache.
They also get into a totally fucked conversation about Mr. Hockey, Mr. Sub, Mr. Lube, Mr. Clean, and a few other fucked up misters.
On March 31st, the whole fuckin’ world will feel the NEED FOR WEED as Trailer Park Boys Season 11 hits Netflix!
We want to see how YOU cocksuckers are celebrating the new season! Whether you’re with your dickhead friends, or on your own with nine cans of ravioli, we want pictures of your Need for Weed #TPB11 Viewing Partyand we’ll be giving out prizes for our favourites!
Three runners-up will get some DECENT swag from TrailerParkBoysMerch.com, but the grand prize winner will get something money can’t buy – real-deal shit from the set of Trailer Park Boys Season 11!
You’ll get an authentic “Ricky’s Ball Hockey” poster, a jar of Bubbles’ “Srumdilly Organico Pizza Sauce” (this is just a prop, for fuck sakes, it’ll probably make you sick as fuck, don’t eat the shit), and we even stole one of Julian’s sexy rum glasses from the dirty dancer himself! We’ll also throw in an autographed 8×10 from the Boys.
Celebrate the patron saint of PARTS UNKNOWN by dressing up like the Green Bastard this March 17th, or as we like to call it, St. Green Bastard’s Day!
Submit a photo of your Green Bastard outfit (head-to-toe full-bastard or even just a mask or GB t-shirt), and you’ll be entered into a random draw to win a Liquormen’s t-shirt. Because you KNOW that Liquormen’s is the official whisky of St. Green Bastard’s Day!
Holy FUCK it’s colder than a witch’s tit in Sunnyvale these days!
Lahey is on the booze just for the “liquor jacket” effect, and Ricky is hot-boxing Bubbles’ shed mainly to keep warm!
We are running a contest to find out how YOU stay #SunnyvaleWarm! Comment on our social media posts using the hashtag #SunnyvaleWarm, or you can also put your whore of an answer in the comment section below. The contest runs til Sunday, January 15th at midnight EST!
The dicks at SwearNet will pick our favourite post and mail out a DECENT Sunnyvale Bobble Hat and a Trailer Park Boys scarf! If you’re worried you won’t win, or you’re too fucking lazy to come up with something funny, these two cocksuckers are on sale this weekend at our merch store so you can just buy the pricks yourself!
With the whore of a year of 2016 behind us, we are now rolling a six-paper joint and looking forward to 2017. Season 11 will be unleashed in all of its greasy glory on Netflix (date to-be-fucking-announced), and Canadians coast-to-coast will be able to put their dirty lips on a can of Freedom 35, the best shitty beer ever made!
But what’s in store for the residents of Sunnyvale in 2017? Will Bubbles meet a GREASY lady and take her back to his shed? Will Randy switch to vegan burgers? Will Jacob and Trinity get bornt a new gramson or gramdaughter for Ricky? Will Lahey maintain a 10/10 drunk the entire year?
We want YOUR predictions for the people of Sunnyvale in 2017!
Use the hashtag #TPB2017 on Instagram or Twitter, or leave a comment on Facebook, and the dicks at SwearNet will pick their three favourite predictions and send out some fucking prizes!
It’s cold as fuck in Sunnyvale right now so we figure each winner should get a TPB beanie to keep their heads warm, and a TPB lighter leash to keep their joints warm!
Hurry the fuck up, you have until Monday, January 9th at midnight to submit your predictions!
Jack, aka Kyle deMontmorency of Utah, is the winner of our Out of the Park: Your Town contest, where we asked you fuckers to imagine you worked for SwearNet and you were planning a few tasks for Ricky, Julian, and Bubbles to do in your town.
In judging these cocksucking videos, the SwearNet team was looking for submissions that showed the right amounts of effort, creativity, and fuckedness. Pine Beetle Jack delivered!
“While I was filming the contest video, I would dress up as my character Pine Beetle Jack, and go around town,” says Kyle. “Everyone would give me the weirdest looks that say ‘is this guy fucking for real’, or ‘what’s this mulleted fuck-stick doing on my side of town’. The people would see me riding the little threewheeler with its trailer, and laugh their asses off.”
And he certainly put some fucking effort into this video. We asked him if he actually snorted that nasty pine sap. He said he found an easier alternative, but holy fuck, it was no cake walk.
“I came to the conclusion that snorting Pixy Stix, aka the candy shit that is sugar crack for a five year old, would be the best possible option. Needless to say, I live in Utah, so along with all other good things in life we are unable to get here (weed, alcohol on Sundays etc.), I couldn’t find that damn sugar cocaine! I ultimately decided to settle for crushed up Sweet Tarts, mixed with Red Bull to ease the snorting process. You can see for yourself how well that worked out.”
He has a final bit of advice – don’t do this fucking shit at home.
“Climbing up pine trees is dangerous; never over-estimate the strength of pine trees limbs,” he warns. “Grabbing on that dicked-up tree branch to pull myself up higher resulted in it breaking, which sent me falling straight to my red neck ass. That was never intentional.”