Tag Archive for cooking

New on swearnet.com – School Dinners

Two dicks dressed up like school boys

It’s September and school is back in session!  Two outdoor gonads take us on a schoolyard trip down memory lane on the latest episode of Offworld Cookery!

“Sir” tries to teach “The Boy” a lesson as the two fucks put together a meal worthy of the dog shit caliber of school lunches – fucking fish sticks.  But they don’t forget that they are grown up, and they turn milk time and science class into proper adult fuckery with the help of liquor and dope.

PLUS: Once “Sir” has enough of “The Boy,” the two clash in an epic showdown!

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New on swearnet.com – Fuckin Glum Cunt

the offworld cookery cocks dressed up like mel gibson characters

On the latest episode of Offworld Cookery, the three Northern English food cocks are paying tribute to a certifiable film icon, Mel Gibson.

Dressed in garb from Braveheart, Mad Max, and Lethal Weapon, the lads prepare a spread of Mel-meals, including haggis-stuffed duck and a molasses-bread cleverly (?) named “Treacle Weapon.”

This cooking expedition is mentored by a beaver from the Mel Gibson film Beaver.  And this little beaver is full of fucking vitriol, voiced by the actual raving frothing Mel Gibson himself.  What a fucking glum cunt he can be.

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New on swearnet.com – Law and Order

Officer Paul checks Alessandro's prison jump suit for semen with the aid of a black light

Alessandro is fucked now!  He’s in handcuffs under the custody of Office Paul Kerry and Judge Chico on the latest episode of Offworld Cookery.

Violent maniac cop Paul whips up a shitty porridge that is still too good for his prisoners.  Judge Chico pours a bunch of complicated shit into some weird fucking oven thing and somehow produces a decent pork souffle.  Then Alessando, the dead man walking, manages to pull off a dry-but-sweet pan of prison brownies just before his fate is sealed by the judge.

PLUS: If you’ve ever wondered what the blood-alcohol level is on a typical Offworld Cookery filming day, you’re about to find out!

 

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New on swearnet.com – Hospital Food

Chico holds his kidney and prepares to cook it

Some people lose a kidney and cry about it.  Not Chico.  On the latest episode of Offworld Cookery, he’s making the most of a medical emergency by cooking that fucking organ in a steak and kidney pie.

In their ode to hospital food, the OWC dicks are eating meals out of bed pans, chicken soup from piss jugs, and honing their surgery skills with a spirited and profane round of Operation.

GUEST-STARRING: Absinthe and cock rum.

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New on swearnet.com – Full English Breakfast

The Offworld Cookery dicks wake up bright and early in the middle of the forest and decide it’s time to throw together a proper English breakfast (though this fucking meal has enough rum and dope in it to pass as a Sunnyvale breakfast)!

Along with breakfast, the lads cleanse their face holes for your amusement, and they abuse the legendary croissant, mocking its fucked continental origins.  We see how the sausage is made, and we catch a glimpse of an extremely dangerous-looking outdoor oven.

PLUS: What is an ‘unholy lasagna of the netherworld,’ and what does it taste like?!

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New on swearnet.com – Offworld Cookery Returns!

The Offworld Cookery dicks have a table this time!

It’s been two years since we’ve seen these dicks on SwearNet, but Offworld Cookery is back with a new season!  And in the season premiere, Paul, Chico, and Alessandro actually have a fucking table this time!

The food cocks from Northern England have transformed themselves into a pack of posh cunts with a stunning menu that brings fine dining to the great outdoors.  Take a delightful romp through the some of the finest fresh spring flavours imaginable, including lobster, monkfish, and lemon jizz!

Stay tuned til the end – these fine English gentleman seem to misplace their manners and things turn ugly!

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New on swearnet – Get Learnt on Hallaween Prepears

glwr-hween-splash

Does the thought of an expensive Halloween stress you the fuck out?  Not to worry, Ricky is going to get you learnt on Hallaween prepears!

Halloween is a time to get drunk, high, and equal with everyone else (regardless if you’re rich, poor, gay, straight, white, black, totally fucked, whatever).  Ricky doesn’t want the high costs of food and costumes to ruin things for you, so in this episode, he’s getting you learnt on DIY costumes, food and drink, pranks, and pumpkin carving.

So, smoke a joint, have a few drinks, and get learnt on Hallaween!

IF YOU HAVE A DECENT COSTUME OF YOUR OWN, CLICK HERE TO ENTER OUR SWEARNET HALLOWEEN CONTEST!

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Fucked Memories from the Year Gone By

The Boys are shielding themselves

It doesn’t take a rocket appliantist to know that there are 52 weeks in a year.  Well, the Boys just finished their 52nd weekly podcast, so that means the Trailer Park Boys Podcast is celebrating its borntday!

Even though it’s simply three drunk and stoned idiots talking shit, a lot work goes into the production of the podcast.  Usually, it’s broadcasted from the comforts of Ricky’s kitchen,  but in order to stick to a schedule (and keep Julian’s greasy sponsors happy), the Boys don’t let their busy touring schedule get in the way.  They’ve podcasted from such far-flung places as Central Park in New York City, Hollywood, and fuckin’ Finland!


Location, Location, Location

SwearNet showrunner Preston has some fucked memories from the time the Boys did a podcast in the middle of a public park in Boston, without a permit.

We thought we were fucked to begin with,” says Preston.  “Normally you secure the proper paperwork for that kind of thing, but we didn’t have the time, so we just went for it.  Bright lights, a camera crew, open liquor, and Bubbles calling out to people he thought were Conan O’Brien.  The Boys are used to jail, I’m not, I thought we were fucked.”

Thankfully, they made it to a place where everybody knows your name before Boston’s finest showed up.


Highs and Lows

Sometimes, the Boys travel to places where the cops just don’t give a fuck.

Crew dick Chipper’s fondest memory was when they went to Amsterdam (surprise, surprise).

Oh man, the giggle fit in Amsterdam,” recalls Chipper.  “We were all so high and in the perfect mood.  When Ricky started talking about the goddamn swans we all lost our shit.  What you saw on camera was all real reactionary laughter. They even called me out because I couldn’t stop fuckin’ laughing off camera.”

The Boys agree — on the one-year anniversary podcast, they declared the Amsterdam episode to be the highest they’ve ever been on the podcash.


Vincent van Go Fuck Yourself

But it’s not all dope and cops — the Podcast is also an opportunity for the Boys to display their many talents.

Camera dickette Hannah‘s favourite moments are when Ricky lets his artistic juices flow.

Anytime Ricky draws or paints is the best,” says Hannah.  “There was one episode when Ricky started talking about ‘Vincent van GoPro’ and got all confused about exactly which body part he cut off, it was some weird shit.”


Turtleducken

Ricky is not just a whiz with the paintbrush, he’s also a decent fucking chef.  Or at least, he thinks so.

Website moderator Tiggy says her favourite memories involve Ricky’s ambitiously fucked food creations.

I liked Ricky’s Choco-bananee-salmoken recipe, I’d like to see him make that on Master Chef,” says Tiggy.  “But perhaps not his version of turducken, that was fucked.”


Podcasting Is a Safety Hazard

Though it’s been an extremely successful inaugural year of the Trailer Park Boys Podcast, it hasn’t come without its bumps and bruises.

Ricky nearly burned the studio down while trying to celebrate the one-year borntday, but that is just one slice of the danger-pepperoni.  In fact, Ricky is lucky to have survived this year.


With all this momentum behind them, even the strongest shit winds can’t slow down the Trailer Park Boys Podcast.  Be sure to tune into year two of this cockery!  You can watch the video version by subscribing to SwearNet, or if you prefer to listen to the audio version (or maybe you’re a cheap fucker), you can listen to it on iTunes and Libsyn.

Have a drinky-poo and celebrate the first borntday of the Trailer Park Boys Podcast!

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New at swearnet.com: Holy fuck, it’s the Offworld Cookery special!

Offworld Cookery at SwearNetPraise be, we have a special Offworld Cookery episode for you – and this one is FUCKED!!! This week, Jesus Christ Himself (or it might be Chico in a shit wig) cooks a heavenly feast with the aid of holy wine, a burning bush, and a traditional Roman dick spoon!

If you pray hard enough to God/Jesus/Santa, there might be more Offworld Cookery adventures coming to swearnet.com in the future….

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