The Boys are back with another episode of the award-fuckin-winning Trailer Park Boys Podcast, now available on iTunes and Libsyn!
Bubbles and Ricky are fucking furious with Julian about the greasy shit he’s pulling with TrailerParkBoysMerch.com (a sponsor of the podcash). They thought there were just “a couple of t-shirts” on the site, but it turns out they are selling everything from grinders to hoodies to even fucking skateboards, and Ricky and Bubbles are getting fuck all for royalties!
After Julian dodges those questions and refuses to release his tax returns, the Boys talk about Kermit and Mrs. Piggy (again), giant fucking batteries, and the time Ricky ‘acquired’ a Louis Vuitton bag for Lucy.
Holy FUCK it’s colder than a witch’s tit in Sunnyvale these days!
Lahey is on the booze just for the “liquor jacket” effect, and Ricky is hot-boxing Bubbles’ shed mainly to keep warm!
We are running a contest to find out how YOU stay #SunnyvaleWarm! Comment on our social media posts using the hashtag #SunnyvaleWarm, or you can also put your whore of an answer in the comment section below. The contest runs til Sunday, January 15th at midnight EST!
The dicks at SwearNet will pick our favourite post and mail out a DECENT Sunnyvale Bobble Hat and a Trailer Park Boys scarf! If you’re worried you won’t win, or you’re too fucking lazy to come up with something funny, these two cocksuckers are on sale this weekend at our merch store so you can just buy the pricks yourself!
Jack, aka Kyle deMontmorency of Utah, is the winner of our Out of the Park: Your Town contest, where we asked you fuckers to imagine you worked for SwearNet and you were planning a few tasks for Ricky, Julian, and Bubbles to do in your town.
In judging these cocksucking videos, the SwearNet team was looking for submissions that showed the right amounts of effort, creativity, and fuckedness. Pine Beetle Jack delivered!
“While I was filming the contest video, I would dress up as my character Pine Beetle Jack, and go around town,” says Kyle. “Everyone would give me the weirdest looks that say ‘is this guy fucking for real’, or ‘what’s this mulleted fuck-stick doing on my side of town’. The people would see me riding the little threewheeler with its trailer, and laugh their asses off.”
And he certainly put some fucking effort into this video. We asked him if he actually snorted that nasty pine sap. He said he found an easier alternative, but holy fuck, it was no cake walk.
“I came to the conclusion that snorting Pixy Stix, aka the candy shit that is sugar crack for a five year old, would be the best possible option. Needless to say, I live in Utah, so along with all other good things in life we are unable to get here (weed, alcohol on Sundays etc.), I couldn’t find that damn sugar cocaine! I ultimately decided to settle for crushed up Sweet Tarts, mixed with Red Bull to ease the snorting process. You can see for yourself how well that worked out.”
He has a final bit of advice – don’t do this fucking shit at home.
“Climbing up pine trees is dangerous; never over-estimate the strength of pine trees limbs,” he warns. “Grabbing on that dicked-up tree branch to pull myself up higher resulted in it breaking, which sent me falling straight to my red neck ass. That was never intentional.”
Er, well, not real hash, the police would fuck us over pretty bad if we started doing that. But we still have a DECENT gift for you if you spend just £30 / €35 / $35 on our merchandise! A hash coin makes a great fucking stocking stuffer! These cocksuckers are made by Big Joe’s Biker Rings, the official maker of Trailer Park Boys jewelry.
Stay tuned for more GREASY deals as we get closer to the borntday of Santa-Jesus-God!
Want a new Trailer Park Boys tee but scrilla is tighter than Randy’s pants? Our new merch store trailerparkboysmerch.com has slashed the price of our awesome “Crest” t-shirts and hoodies by 33%! But hurry ta fuck up, the offer ends Sunday, 17 July!
We had such a massive response to our last t-shirt voting contest, we’re doing it again! We want YOU awesome fuckers to decide which one of these five designs will be transformed into a t-shirt for our new TRAILER PARK BOYS MERCH STORE!
Our last winner was Jim Lahey’s I Am the Liquor t-shirt, which continues to be a big hit with fans – which FUCKED design will reign supreme this year? Ricky’s drawing of Cyrus, Bernie “Nooooo candy” Sanford, Orangie, the Mustard Tiger, or Ray’s dirty ol’ piss jugs?
Our previous winner – Jim Lahey!
Click here to cast your votes – you can vote for as many designs as you like every day until 11:59pm EDT, Wed 13 July. We’ll also pick one random voter who will win a TPB/SwearNet swag pack including a TPB t-shirt, stickers, and a one-year SwearNet subscription, so get voting!!
Fuck Friday 13th, today is your lucky fuckin’ day! For THIS WEEKEND ONLY spend over £50/€75/USD$75/CAD$85 at our awesome new Trailer Park Boys official merch store and you won’t pay a cent in shipping!