What can make the scariest day of the year even more frightening? How about three weird food cocks attempting to dress up in Halloween costumes? Horrid outfits are just once of the many spooky aspects of the special Halloween edition of Offworld Cookery!
The ghoulish pricks put together a three-course meal of “OJ Simpson’s Gingerbread Glove” (which tastes like pure guilt), “Witches Brew” (served in the skulls of their enemies), and “Papa Shango’s Halloween Mangos” (which contain no actual mangos).
It wouldn’t be Halloween without a bit of pumpkin carving, “spell fights,” and crystal balls! And fucked up food cooked in the outdoors!
“Sir” tries to teach “The Boy” a lesson as the two fucks put together a meal worthy of the dog shit caliber of school lunches – fucking fish sticks. But they don’t forget that they are grown up, and they turn milk time and science class into proper adult fuckery with the help of liquor and dope.
PLUS: Once “Sir” has enough of “The Boy,” the two clash in an epic showdown!
On the latest episode of Offworld Cookery, the three Northern English food cocks are paying tribute to a certifiable film icon, Mel Gibson.
Dressed in garb from Braveheart, Mad Max, and Lethal Weapon, the lads prepare a spread of Mel-meals, including haggis-stuffed duck and a molasses-bread cleverly (?) named “Treacle Weapon.”
This cooking expedition is mentored by a beaver from the Mel Gibson film Beaver. And this little beaver is full of fucking vitriol, voiced by the actual raving frothing Mel Gibson himself. What a fucking glum cunt he can be.
Violent maniac cop Paul whips up a shitty porridge that is still too good for his prisoners. Judge Chico pours a bunch of complicated shit into some weird fucking oven thing and somehow produces a decent pork souffle. Then Alessando, the dead man walking, manages to pull off a dry-but-sweet pan of prison brownies just before his fate is sealed by the judge.
PLUS: If you’ve ever wondered what the blood-alcohol level is on a typical Offworld Cookery filming day, you’re about to find out!
This vicious expedition tests the limits of Captain Scott and his band of merry masturbating men, as they endure harsh cold, shitty powdered food, and far too many horse-related meals. And a little game of backgammon, just for the fuck of it.
Will they survive the elements? Or will their weird fucking mountain food kill them? Can one die of over-feeding the geese?!
The Offworld Cookery dicks wake up bright and early in the middle of the forest and decide it’s time to throw together a proper English breakfast (though this fucking meal has enough rum and dope in it to pass as a Sunnyvale breakfast)!
Along with breakfast, the lads cleanse their face holes for your amusement, and they abuse the legendary croissant, mocking its fucked continental origins. We see how the sausage is made, and we catch a glimpse of an extremely dangerous-looking outdoor oven.
PLUS: What is an ‘unholy lasagna of the netherworld,’ and what does it taste like?!
The food cocks from Northern England have transformed themselves into a pack of posh cunts with a stunning menu that brings fine dining to the great outdoors. Take a delightful romp through the some of the finest fresh spring flavours imaginable, including lobster, monkfish, and lemon jizz!
Stay tuned til the end – these fine English gentleman seem to misplace their manners and things turn ugly!
Praise be, we have a special Offworld Cookery episode for you – and this one is FUCKED!!! This week, Jesus Christ Himself (or it might be Chico in a shit wig) cooks a heavenly feast with the aid of holy wine, a burning bush, and a traditional Roman dick spoon!
If you pray hard enough to God/Jesus/Santa, there might be more Offworld Cookery adventures coming to swearnet.com in the future….