Pat Roach has his game face on, along with his classic SwearNet outfit, and he’s ready to test out the new green screen and news equipment that the Boys have set up for him. They’re not fucking around – they set up a virtual news studio, along with a teleprompter and one of those crane-swingy fucking camera things.
PLUS: Watch Pat warm up his swear cords, and get a glimpse of his pre-game meal.
Just who in the fuck are these people? Well, Johnny is a professional pickpocket, Slip is a retired astronaut, and Virginia is a southern belle. They all happen to live inside Mike Smith’s absolutely fucked brain, and were written down on pieces of paper and put into a hat.
The Boys draw characters out of the cap and improv some voices for what could be an incredibly fucking entertaining puppet show!
Pat receives some mail that was intended for The Jim Lahey Show (& Randy), and the Boys are asked to be a part of a Canada 150 memorabilia collection. They also receive an autographed John Garrett hockey card (the Boys didn’t really know who in the fuck he is, if you’re in the same boat, you can check his Wikipedia page here… he is a bit bigger of a deal than the Boys seem to realize).
Since Pat seems to be around the studio more and more, he has a request for you dicks: send HIM some shit to the Mailbag!
(here’s the address in case you stoned fuckers can’t find it on our website)
We receive a shit-ton of goodies for the mailbag so please be patient if you send something in. If the package contains food or something perishable please indicate it on the package, we don’t want dirty fuckin’ garbage juice all over the studio!
Robb, JP, and especially Mike are worried that their pep talks are not having a positive impact on Pat Roach’s performance. They attempt to light another fire under his arse and come up with a plan to take this project to the next level.
JP irons, while Madam Sunshine flirts with Mr. Box (the Boys are trying out new drugs). Along the way, we get updates about their current writing project, Bubbles and the Shitrockers, the Real Fucking Reality Show, and more!
Robb, JP, and Mike receive a DECENT woodburning that has already been signed by the legendary John Dunsworth, with the artist hoping that the Boys will add their John Hancocks to it. Speaking of burning, they open a package from a US Army veteran that contains extremely spicy peanuts and beef. The vet served in Iraq and the Boys express their gratitude for his bravery.
PLUS: The Boys receive a bunch of “happy balls” and they have conflicting opinions as to how to use them!
Pat’s been back at the studio for quite a while now, but for all the time and money spent on his work, there really seems to be fuck all for content. Last week we watched him eat his lunch. Then, he put together a video of himself taking a nap, which turned out to be the last straw for Robb, JP, and Mike.
On today’s episode, they confront him and try to motivate him to get his shit together. Though they may also be planning to fuck with him. Only time will fuckin’ tell!
They receive a mysterious laughing teddy bear from someone named Alien Female, who may or may not have smuggled drugs in the bear’s ass. Mike nearly blows his head off with some hot sauce, JP is jealous of a muscular Mountie, and Robb keeps saying “cantaloupe”, probably because he’s stoned out of his goddamn mind.
The Boys have given Pat his own private space in SwearNet Studios where he can set up a personal gym and get into shape. There’s just one problem – not one miserable fucker at SwearNet will help him move the equipment up the stairs to his workout room.
Will Pat’s positivity prevail? Why in the fuck can’t Hugh the Office Dick lift anything? Will Pat ever look like JP? Tune in and find out!