The Offworld Cookery dicks wake up bright and early in the middle of the forest and decide it’s time to throw together a proper English breakfast (though this fucking meal has enough rum and dope in it to pass as a Sunnyvale breakfast)!
Along with breakfast, the lads cleanse their face holes for your amusement, and they abuse the legendary croissant, mocking its fucked continental origins. We see how the sausage is made, and we catch a glimpse of an extremely dangerous-looking outdoor oven.
PLUS: What is an ‘unholy lasagna of the netherworld,’ and what does it taste like?!
On today’s episode of Dear Julian, we get some advice on surviving an early-mid-life crisis, how to trick the stupid fucking cops that pull you over for smoking dope, and how to advertise greasy new bars!
We also get Julian’s take on modern fuckin technology. How is it impacting his line of work? What are his opinions of hackers? Now that everyone has goddamn cameras in their pockets, is it hard to pull off greasy shit?
PLUS: We learn some serious rum lessons, particularly when it comes to driving!
He offers advice on parenting, threesomes, and the best ways to get fucked up when your broke. Julian also answers fan questions about his hobbies, whether or not he is a fighter, and if he has ever tried a rum bong.
PLUS: What’s the longest amount of time Julian has gone between drinks? Find out in this episode!
Julian sips on a rum and coke and answers fan questions about whisky-dick threesomes, lending money to friends who want to make a rap record, the sexiest places for ladies to get tattoos, and much more.
He also explains why his last name is secret (and it’s NOT fucking SWAYZE).
PLUS: How in the fuck can a Maritimer like Jules hate seafood?!
Join Mr. Lahey as he and renowned liquor scholar Dom Carlos explore the spiritual effects of the liquors of the world! Randy’s Kitchen serves up a summertime burger delight, and we learn how to roll a pinner!
Stay tuned til the end – Lahey has a big fuckin’ surprise for Randers!
Julian’s ready to pour a few drinks and share some advice on an upcoming edition of Dear Julian. Having trouble in your relationship? Planning a grocery store robbery to get food for your friend’s wedding and need help with logistics? You have problems, Julian has solutions.
Post your problems in the comment section below. If you use his advice, that’s fine. If you don’t, he really doesn’t give a fuck.