Dressed in garb from Braveheart, Mad Max, and Lethal Weapon, the lads prepare a spread of Mel-meals, including haggis-stuffed duck and a molasses-bread cleverly (?) named “Treacle Weapon.”
This cooking expedition is mentored by a beaver from the Mel Gibson film Beaver. And this little beaver is full of fucking vitriol, voiced by the actual raving frothing Mel Gibson himself. What a fucking glum cunt he can be.
Violent maniac cop Paul whips up a shitty porridge that is still too good for his prisoners. Judge Chico pours a bunch of complicated shit into some weird fucking oven thing, and somehow produces a decent pork souffle. Then Alessando, the dead man walking, manages to pull off a dry-but-sweet pan of prison brownies just before his fate is sealed by the judge.
PLUS: If you’ve ever wondered what the blood-alcohol level is on a typical Offworld Cookery filming day, you’re about to find out!
Praise be, we have a special Offworld Cookery episode for you – and this one is FUCKED!!! This week, Jesus Christ Himself (or it might be Chico in a shit wig) cooks a heavenly feast with the aid of holy wine, a burning bush, and a traditional Roman dick spoon!
If you pray hard enough to God/Jesus/Santa, there might be more Offworld Cookery adventures coming to swearnet.com in the future….
It’s the final episode in the first FUCKED season of Offworld Cookery at SwearNet! This week: feast like a fucking barbarian in Ancient Britain, and learn how to make goat leg stew and shit soup. Yum fucking yum!
What culinary crap would you like to see the Offworld Cookery morons attempt to make in future episodes? Let us know!
Today at SwearNet, we ask: what do vegetarians look like? And what the fuck do they eat? The Offworld Cookery team investigates, with a little help from a bottle of cider and some fucking terrible music!
It’s time for another episode of our new cooking shitshow, Offworld Cookery! This week, SwearNet’s culinary cocks travel into the future to cook up a fucked feast of spam, meatloaf, and prawn flavoured cheese in a tube. The future’s looking SHIT!