Jack, aka Kyle deMontmorency of Utah, is the winner of our Out of the Park: Your Town contest, where we asked you fuckers to imagine you worked for SwearNet and you were planning a few tasks for Ricky, Julian, and Bubbles to do in your town.
In judging these cocksucking videos, the SwearNet team was looking for submissions that showed the right amounts of effort, creativity, and fuckedness. Pine Beetle Jack delivered!
“While I was filming the contest video, I would dress up as my character Pine Beetle Jack, and go around town,” says Kyle. “Everyone would give me the weirdest looks that say ‘is this guy fucking for real’, or ‘what’s this mulleted fuck-stick doing on my side of town’. The people would see me riding the little threewheeler with its trailer, and laugh their asses off.”
And he certainly put some fucking effort into this video. We asked him if he actually snorted that nasty pine sap. He said he found an easier alternative, but holy fuck, it was no cake walk.
“I came to the conclusion that snorting Pixy Stix, aka the candy shit that is sugar crack for a five year old, would be the best possible option. Needless to say, I live in Utah, so along with all other good things in life we are unable to get here (weed, alcohol on Sundays etc.), I couldn’t find that damn sugar cocaine! I ultimately decided to settle for crushed up Sweet Tarts, mixed with Red Bull to ease the snorting process. You can see for yourself how well that worked out.”
He has a final bit of advice – don’t do this fucking shit at home.
“Climbing up pine trees is dangerous; never over-estimate the strength of pine trees limbs,” he warns. “Grabbing on that dicked-up tree branch to pull myself up higher resulted in it breaking, which sent me falling straight to my red neck ass. That was never intentional.”
Check out the second episode of the podcast, where Ricky, Julian and Bubbles bicker over hosting duties, and discuss the latest greasy entertainment news.
SwearNet subscribers get to see new all-new video podcasts every week, so join up and treat yourself to some hilarious entertainment for the holidays. After all, it’s nearly fuckin’ Christmas and you DESERVE IT!
Go behind the scenes of Trailer Park Boys Season 9 with the Boys! Day 1, and production is just about to start. But then Robb Wells gets a call from set, because some of the park residents are pissed off and complaining – and the cameras haven’t even fucking rolled yet…
We’ll be uploading a new episode every week day to the SwearNet YouTube channel until the S9 premiere on Netflix on March 27!