Holy FUCK it’s colder than a witch’s tit in Sunnyvale these days!
Lahey is on the booze just for the “liquor jacket” effect, and Ricky is hot-boxing Bubbles’ shed mainly to keep warm!
We are running a contest to find out how YOU stay #SunnyvaleWarm! Comment on our social media posts using the hashtag #SunnyvaleWarm, or you can also put your whore of an answer in the comment section below. The contest runs til Sunday, January 15th at midnight EST!
The dicks at SwearNet will pick our favourite post and mail out a DECENT Sunnyvale Bobble Hat and a Trailer Park Boys scarf! If you’re worried you won’t win, or you’re too fucking lazy to come up with something funny, these two cocksuckers are on sale this weekend at our merch store so you can just buy the pricks yourself!
Stay warm, dicks!
This winter, after years of struggling to heat sunnyvale without the massive bill on getting the oil tanks filled, Leahey they bottomless pit of shitty knowledge has went bio. With all the onion rings, and burgers that randy eats, his skin secrets such a viable fuel that for months Jim has been scraping randys skin and storing it until the oil in the tanks ran out. Theres a funky familiar smell blanketing the park but the supervisors trailer is toasty warm boys.
Hop a plane and go visit our friend Mahfk in Hawaii.
If flying to Hawaii is out of the question than try this.
1. Grab a small insulated box, could be an old cooler or one of those metal “milk boxes” works great. Put a couple cans of Sterno and Presto, you now have a portable heater to heat the shitmobile, your house, tent or shed.
2. Drive to the liquor store and grab enough liqormans for the night.
3. Drive over to the Walmart on Lamont, they are only open till 11pm so get there early.
4. Find a place to hide until the last employees leave (around 12). Get a good, WARM nights sleep and a fresh change of clothes.
5. Walk out when the store opens,( 7am), but employees arrive at 6am, so lay low for an hour. Head over to Hortons for coffee than back over to the park to fuck with drunky the clown and the cheeseburger walrus.
Me and bubbles know how to stay warm, all you need is about 3 kitties snuggled up on your chest. And I’d recommend adding 1 kitten for every 10 degrees below 32 F.
32 F = 3 kittens
-8 F = 7 kittens
Smoke on public property. Many Government buildings have gas heated exhaust furnaces attached to their buildings that blow out nice, warm, comfortable, gassy shitty air that is comfortable to smoke tobacco and marijuana cigarettes under. Also great for work breaks.
Wear Layers. Not only overtop, but underneith. Pants, Pajamas, Leggings, A sock on the cock, and a condom. If you don’t have a cock, than use a maxy pad and duct tape to cover the fuck holes as wind may get suctioned up there. A condom can reduce the risk of shrinkage from up to 87%! but wait, there’s more.
Liquormen’s dirty o’l canadian whiskey. A soothing warm sensation on those cold chilly days. Big mean Police may want to take it away so they can drink it all for themselves, so drink it in a local tim hortons, or dunken donuts cup to fight authority and win. I been doing it, since I was a young kid and I’ve come out grinnin’.
Come on down boys….I’m on the Redneck Riviera of Florida (North Florida) in a shitty trailer worthy of #SunnyVale. It’s warmer here than there!! Good thing cause I ain’t got no furnace down here. #SunnyvaleWarm I still have my Trailer Park Boys t-shirt I won 10 yrs ago! Before my house burnt down and I had to move in this shitty trailer!
#SunnyvaleWarm After my ole lady kicks me out for headbanging to much Ill knock on Margerites trailer for a cup of warm yum yum and get mouth hugs to keep my bird warm. Hoping my jiblets will drop by then. If not ill paint a bullseye on my arsehole and plop a greezy cheeseburger on my back for Bo Banders to pound some heat into me.
And if that doesnt work, take the side bunk in the #Shitmobile
i’ll just stop going to the bathroom, pissing and shitting myself should keep me warm!
When it’s cold out, I always get really drunk and high and bang a lot. Banging keeps me warmer than anything! Also, I always keep my kitties around me when I’m sleeping; they’re like mini heaters.
So here’s the plans you bag of dicks. We steal 5 gallons of gas from the Randy’s mower shed and the chain saw. Fill the saw and put the rest of the gas in the Shit-mobile and head out. Now we head towards the country and use the shit mobile to hit as many fucking mail box posts as we can, load each up in the trunk, the post, the box and put the mail in the front seat. once we have 20-30 of the dirt fuckers, we head back to the park. Use the chainsaw and cut the wooden posts put to build a fucking fire. We use the mail and a match to start (smart right) the fire then then add posts. While it burns down stand around a burn a few and have a few drinks. Once done, we take the hot coals from the fire and put them in the those kinda round metal boxes that were on top and take them inside and wha-la,,, heat boxes. We do this 2 twice a week till it fucking warms up!
I stay #SunnyvaleWarm, by holding my empty TPB flask dreaming of the day that Liquormen’s Ol’ Dirty Canadian Whisky will be available in my region of the park while watching podca$h and feck’n good content and shows that keep me laughing and almost pissing my panties.
I stay “covered in pussy”, like my man Bubbles, rolled up and stoked like bad boy “Raveen” and on occasion a bit o’ smooth sippin on some Appleton Estate like “the Operator” Juliene. stay Toasted Boys, Pedro from Beantown.
#SunnyvaleWarm In order to stay warm during those cold canadian months, the easiest thing to do would start ripping pieces off laheys trailer one by one and burning them- Start with a christmas decoration here and there, and when hes 10 outta 10 drunk, go rip down that drunk pricks front porch and burn that fucker too- When lahey wakes up and realizes hes out of liquor, he will have to leave the house to get more. Make sure you are near that door, because when he leaves hes gonna fall flat on his fucking drunk face, and the laughter will warm you up as well- Worse case Marguerite will give you firewood, but you gotta give her a mouth hug- and thats GREASY!
Fuck it’s cold! First thing I gotta do is get some liqour in me. I am all outta “Ray’s Good Liqour” so I will drive the “Shit Mobile” to the “LC” and pick up a jug of “Liqourman’s”, that shit is Good! I have some of the “Hash Driveway” left over, so I will break off a chunk of that then head back to the “Shit Mobile” and work on gettin’ warm. That is going to be Fucked with the door missing. After several swigs of “Liqourman’s” and a chunk of hash, I figured there is only one thing left to finally get me warm, time to call Lucy. I told Lucy I was having a party and we will get “Drunk as Fuck” and she needs to bring Sarah along. When the ladies arrive I start pumping the liqour and hash into ’em. Then I talk them into a Ricky sandwhich. With Lucy, Sarah and myself!
Now that will get anyone warmed up in any weather. To stay warm you will need a large supply of “Piss Jugs” so you won’t have to get outta the “Shit Mobile” to piss.
See you in the morning boys!
I quietly repeat, “I am the liquor” and visualize myself on a tropical island.
I wish I could post a fucking picture and just show you assholes.. But What I will be doing to keep warm is putting on my most favorite shirt ever, my mother fucking cozy ass Sunnyvale hockey jersey, number 420 bitches!!!! then Ill probably get one of my bottles of whiskey and start drinking that straight on ice because that’s shit is tasty and it warms ya up nice. Then once that shit is in me I’ll need a joint to chill the fuck out and watch hours of The fucking TRAILER PARK BOYS! Then I’d probably pack my kitty cat bowl, smoke that shit up. Bubbles would love my kitty cat bowl… maybe i’ll send it to him, or that mike dude if he promises to open it on fucking mail bag, you motherfuckers, need to make anther one of those or ill be fucking pissed. (I just read that sentence in the melody of the mail bag song. I might be stoned…) What were we talking about? Oh yea, keeping fucking warm in the winter, who gives a fuck? I’m just going to keep watching your show and growing more and more PISSED every time I go on netflix hoping season 11 is there and its not and dreaming of coming out there and working with those swearnet cocksuckers!
god fucking shit I am Fucked!
I sit on the back porch during the winter watching Swearnet and TPB, I stay warm with a propane heater. PROPANE PROPANE.
#Sunnyvalewarm for us is in the workshop out back: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RAERXs6eGeY
step 1 >> do several shots of peppermint schnapps laced with hot chocolate step 2 >> light up big ole fatty step 3 >> repeat steps 1 and 2